He stepped into the room feeling an aura of confidence permeate the space around him. He had this. He was born ready for this. Iran wouldnt know what was coming. He was going to close this deal because he was the … Consummate Negotiator.

(theme jingle to tune of Priceline Negotiator)

Iran: so, this deal. I think we will say no. For the fiftieth time.
Obama: what?! You can’t do this to me man! I’ve got a legacy to think about. Didn’t you get those Rolls Royce’s I sent you?
Iran: the color clashed with the bribe money.
Obama: well what can I do to sweeten the deal? I can’t think of anything I haven’t already caved on.
Iran: Hmmm. About those inspections. I don’t think 24 days will be enough to conceal all our bomb materials from the UN peacekeepers.
Obama: but I already erased hours to put in days.
Iran: then it shouldn’t be hard to replace with months, yes?
Obama: true. Not a big deal I guess. Just one word.
Iran: yes. So then there is the matter of your motto. Change it to “in Allah we trust.” Again, just a little word.
Obama: hmm. Well. I don’t think–
Iran: fine. No deal.
Obama: wait! Okay! You win.
Iran: good. Now, do you have to go right back or would you like to stay for a barbeque?
Obama: oh how kind of you!
Iran: yes, we will be burning your flag. We are trying to at least keep up with the number of American flags your own people burn. If you stay over the weekend, you can watch the four American captives you didnt want be beheaded.
Obama: oh well I want them and all. I just knew if we asked it might give you incentive to demand more from the deal.
Iran: my friend. I honestly do not believe there is anything else I could possibly get from this deal. You have been most … generous.
Obama: well, this has been a momentous exchange. I hope there are no hard feelings, as tough as I’ve had to be.
Iran: um. No. Of course not. (bright winning smile)

Obama bows low and walks away with head held high, muttering under his breath “sucker” as he strides off into history.

(Ending theme. Another one bites the dust)


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